you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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