I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
