he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
