I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
