I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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