it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
