I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Randomize
