Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
