its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
