I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
