You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
