haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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