weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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