You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
