too bad you live with your parents still
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
