Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
