The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
