Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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