I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
