you guys were way drunker than both of me
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
