Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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