Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
