Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
