I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
