we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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