i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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