i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
