I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
