it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
