Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
she woke up with a sticky ear
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
