I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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