I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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