Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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