you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
