I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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