I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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