yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
