you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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