dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
