you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
