one might say we're banned from that church
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
