so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
