hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
