I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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