I'm jealous of your bromance
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
