his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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