Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
