If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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