My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
