You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
