just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
