she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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